Philosophy

* sits in front of an imaginary drumset,
takes a deep breath,
and arms take over entire being!


ONE..TWO..THREE..FOUR!!!


Wont you look up at the skyline
At the mortar block and glass
And check out the reflections in my eyes
You see they always used to be there
Even when this all was grass
And I sang and danced about a high-rise

You were laughing at
My helmet hat
Laughing at my torch

Go ahead you can laugh all you want
I got my philosophy
Keeps my feet on the ground
And I trust it like the ground
And thats why my philosophy
It keeps me walking when Im falling down

I see that there is evil
And I know that there is good
And the inbetweens I never understood
Wont you look at me, Im crazy
But I get the job done
Yeah Im crazy
But I get the job done

I pushed you cause
I loved you guys
I didnt realize
You werent having fun
I dragged you up the stairs
And I told you to fly
You were flapping your arms
You started to cry
You were too high
Too high

You may take this all for granted
Take the mortar, block and glass
And you forget the speech
That moved the stone
Its really not the you cant see
The forest for the trees
Youve never been out
In the woods before
Go ahead you can laugh
All you want
But I got my philosophy
Keeps my feet on the ground

And I love you
Youre my friend
But you got no philosophy
Now its time for this song to end

*sweating and sapped of energy,
Xam slouches on the chair
as drumsticks fall
unceremoniously to the ground...

-music and lyrics - Ben Folds Five
crazy wanna-be drummer - Xam

To My Future Lifepartner

I offer you no promises,
no sweet words
no detailed vision of the future

Instead, i will give you all of ME:
a work in progress
a by-product of love's trial and errors

I came with a past
I am flawed..imperfect
but it has made me the person
you have learned to know and love,
the same way I knew and loved you
all of YOU,
darkness and light combined

I offer you no promises,
no sweet words
no detailed vision of the future

i dont know what tomorrow will bring
but surely, we will both
laugh

cry

learn

create

build

dream

grow...

I offer you no promises,
no sweet words
no detailed vision of the future

Right now,
I am striving to be a better version of myself
You will have me whole
I will give US a clean slate

And together,
we will paint the most wonderful picture of a life well lived

my love, the rest of our lives awaits..

-Xam

Over You

With all sincerity, I quote thee, Daughtry:

"...the day I thought I'd never through, I got over you."

I am claiming my heart back.

-Xam

Rebirth

i had the most grandiose of names last night... only to lose it by sheer idiocy!

i had the perfect illusion until this morning.. only to have it shattered by grim reality

for both, I am thankful.. as Xam in motion was born.

no longer will i be standing still,
waiting
pleading
wishing

no longer will i let myself be haunted by the ghosts of the past
nor be scared into obscurity by the uncertainty of the future

I will bask in the glory of the present

continously learning
changing
dreaming
improving
growing

I will hold people close, but not stifle them
keep them near, yet give them room to move around
let them explore,
see the world from another point of view
knowing at the end of the day,
they will come back home to me
if they are really mine to keep

I will let go of unnecessary worries,
emotional baggages
what-ifs
should-haves
could-have-beens
and live in the here and now,
as responsibly as I can
knowing that ultimately,
i am the only one accountable for my own actions
or inactions
in the same way that other people are, for their own

I will trust....hope...love
in the right dosages
giving part of me
Not power over me.
Not emptying myself dry
not expecting too much
but not giving up too easily, too soon either

I will try my best in every endeavor I undertake
and take each draw, success or failure
with an increasing maturity and wisdom
so that anything i might encounter further down the road
will not stall me,
break me,
crush me,
blind me,
or lead me into a path i do not wish to take
nor into a person i do not wish to become

I will look at mundane things
with the eyes of a child,
...an empty parking lot
a tree minus all its leaves
the fog that forms when I speak because of the biting cold...
and be enriched
that I am alive
and able to see, hear, feel, touch these things..

I will sing, prance, hum, dance
to my own tunes and rhythm
carry my own personal weather with me wherever I go
and be my own emotional compass
not dependent on other people or circumstances
for my sanity and well-being

I will be in constant motion
and will touch lives I pass along the way..


-Xam