Rebirth

i had the most grandiose of names last night... only to lose it by sheer idiocy!

i had the perfect illusion until this morning.. only to have it shattered by grim reality

for both, I am thankful.. as Xam in motion was born.

no longer will i be standing still,
waiting
pleading
wishing

no longer will i let myself be haunted by the ghosts of the past
nor be scared into obscurity by the uncertainty of the future

I will bask in the glory of the present

continously learning
changing
dreaming
improving
growing

I will hold people close, but not stifle them
keep them near, yet give them room to move around
let them explore,
see the world from another point of view
knowing at the end of the day,
they will come back home to me
if they are really mine to keep

I will let go of unnecessary worries,
emotional baggages
what-ifs
should-haves
could-have-beens
and live in the here and now,
as responsibly as I can
knowing that ultimately,
i am the only one accountable for my own actions
or inactions
in the same way that other people are, for their own

I will trust....hope...love
in the right dosages
giving part of me
Not power over me.
Not emptying myself dry
not expecting too much
but not giving up too easily, too soon either

I will try my best in every endeavor I undertake
and take each draw, success or failure
with an increasing maturity and wisdom
so that anything i might encounter further down the road
will not stall me,
break me,
crush me,
blind me,
or lead me into a path i do not wish to take
nor into a person i do not wish to become

I will look at mundane things
with the eyes of a child,
...an empty parking lot
a tree minus all its leaves
the fog that forms when I speak because of the biting cold...
and be enriched
that I am alive
and able to see, hear, feel, touch these things..

I will sing, prance, hum, dance
to my own tunes and rhythm
carry my own personal weather with me wherever I go
and be my own emotional compass
not dependent on other people or circumstances
for my sanity and well-being

I will be in constant motion
and will touch lives I pass along the way..


-Xam